As Relocation Coordinator, I work with many new seminary couples, assisting them with information on housing, schools for their children, and job possibilities. During these times, and when we have guest visitations, I hear apprehension in the voice of the wife wondering if she can be a pastor's wife.

I smile as I recall those same apprehensions 22 years ago when my husband received his first call. My husband has served a church in a rural area, one in a small town and one in a city over 100,000. I would like to share some personal reflections from those experiences:

A person, no matter what gender or occupation in life, needs to be filled spiritually every day through the Word, his/her prayer life, etc. A pastor's wife is no exception. She will have her own relationship with the Lord; it is no less than the one her husband has with his Lord. I, actually, had someone in the parish indicate I would get to heaven because my husband was a pastor.

Take care of your wonderfully-created body so you will feel your best. Spending time each day doing your favorite physical activity will do wonders both physically and mentally. Be the best you can be by searching deep within for what you want to do: be a stay-at-home mom, volunteer within the community, pursue a career, etc. God has placed within you special talents that make you who you are. You will be serving your Lord by developing them.

Remember that it was your husband who will receive the call, and remember, also, that you are a member of the congregation. Don't be afraid to join in church activities, but be sure not to over-extend yourself.

Some things in life are that way because they are. You have blue/green/brown eyes. Nothing is going to change that. When you become a pastor's wife, it is different from being a dentist's or a doctor's wife. That is just the way it is. Do you know your dentist's wife or your physician's wife? It is vital for you to be supportive and have a great deal of patience. He will work long hours and many things will be confidential; it is difficult for a woman, sometimes, not having everything shared. Your support and understanding will make all the difference in his having a successful ministry.

On the other hand, he committed himself to you at the altar. Don't forget to write time in his datebook for the two of you. You can also make an appointment through his secretary and show up in his office one day at the appointed time!

Lastly, remember that when you married, you didn't know all the things you now know about married life. And, if you have children, you didn't know how to be a mom from the start. It was something you learned day by day, through experience. That is how it will be as a pastor's wife. Plus, with the classes provided for women at our seminary, and the Student Wives Association retreats focused on these subjects, you can leave the seminary more confident than when you arrived.

With all of these things in mind you will find that it will all come together. If you add a fantastic, positive attitude and a sense of humor (this, too, shall pass), you will look back and realize that you and your husband have encountered the funniest situations, the most heart-wrenching experiences, and the most loving extended family in life.

If you still have apprehensions, think about this: if you believe God had a hand in your meeting your husband, and that God also had a hand in your husband choosing to pursue the ministry as his vocation, then God believes you can do this. God has a thing or two on us and will be there to see His plan for us come together.

Betty Wachholz, Relocation Coordinator for CTS

From Volume 4, Issue 1, February/March 2000